


If You Loved Me

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9594959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: At Skyhold, Alistair finds out that not only is his mother not who he thought she was, she's also alive and in the same building as him. He confronts her and when he hears her explanation of why she left him, bursts into tears and tells her off.Written for a kink meme prompt.





	

It was the Inquisitor who told him who his mother really was. Adaar had been trying to be supportive, to give him a chance at reuniting with his family.

Alistair managed to keep calm until he left the room but the moment she was out of sight, he raced up the stairs to the library to find Fiona.

The little elven woman sat in an alcove, drinking tea while she read her book. He cleared his throat before calling her name.

Fiona turned to look at him and when their eyes met, she dropped her mug.

"Your...your Highness," she said, cleaning up the mess with a quick spell. "I'm sorry, you startled me. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"You know who I am then," Alistair said uneasily. "Fiona...I, um, I know about you too. About how we know each other. Well, I was too young to remember..."

Fiona paled slightly. "I never meant for you to know. I am sorry. You have to understand, Alistair. I wanted to protect you."

"From what?" Alistair asked. "From the Taint? I would have had that anyways. From Maric? Didn't do a great job at that. From being an elf? Can't really help biology."

Fiona said, "Please, sit down. Let me explain."

Alistair did so reluctantly, not wanting to look her in the eye.

Fiona took a deep breath. "I was about to leave the Wardens when I found out I was having you. I thought at first I should end it, but...you were a miracle and I felt I owed it to Maric, after everything we went through. But I knew I couldn't give you a good life. I was to enter the Circle again, once I had you. So a little while after you were born, I went to Maric with Duncan. I gave you to your father and asked him to find you a good home where you could live without the pressures of nobility and the stigma of being the child of an elven mage. Duncan promised to watch over you as you grew. I left you, knowing that you were safe, and though it was difficult, I have always had faith it was the right decision." 

Alistair whispered, "How could you?"

Fiona said, "I was trying to give you a better life, Alistair."

"A better life?" He asked, half laughing. "I was practically raised by dogs in a stable until my uncle decided that was too good for me and ditched me in a monastery. Where I spent a very long, miserable time until Duncan found me."

Alistair's throat suddenly caught. "Duncan...he knew...all that time, he knew and he left me with them...Maker..."

The pain of losing his father figure suddenly gripped his chest, an old wound that he thought had faded over the last decade. They could have had more time. Duncan would have been barely twenty when Alistair was born, but he hadn't been much older than that when he had his first child. Duncan had left him for two decades, only to pick him up when he was of use to the Wardens.

He looked up at Fiona. "Do you regret it?"

Fiona murmured, "At times. I wanted you to have an ordinary life and to not be a pawn in their game. For no one to realize your Elven heritage. And now you..."

"Became King of Ferelden and married an elf. Yeah. You must be thrilled."

"But are you happy?" 

"Until we had this conversation, yes," Alistair said, fighting back tears. "You don't get to pat yourself on the back for doing a good job abandoning me. I was miserable. I was so miserable and so alone and I didn't have to be. My mother wasn't dead. She wasn't this ghost that I longed for. I wore an amulet for so much of my childhood and the last ten years for someone that didn't even exist. Everyone lied to me all my life so you and Marric could feel like good people."

"It was the best thing I could have done for you," she murmured. 

Alistair thought of his own three children. He thought of their mother who had left them behind to give their family a chance to live. Tabris who was fighting her way through Maker knew where just to have more time with them. 

And he started sobbing.

Alistair cried as he said, "I loved my son before he was even born. I loved him like I loved air. All three of them. Even before they came into this world, I would have laid down my life for them. Everything I do is for them. The best...the best thing you could have done for me was love me. To have loved me even a fraction of how much I love them. But instead...you forced me to grow up without you or anyone else. It would have been better if you just dropped me off at a Chantry, at least then I could have been adopted. I am not ashamed of who I am. I never have been. I would have been proud to have been your son, to be proudly half-elven. What you did wasn't for me, it was for you."

Tears started rolling down Fiona's face. "Alistair..."

He left, murmuring, "Sorry for interrupting your studies." 

Alistair fled, disappointed that Fiona didn't go after him. He made it to his guest room and closed the door behind him. Everything in him ached. For his wife and his little ones. For his friends. For all that had become his family after years of being alone. Without them, he was a small boy crying himself to sleep in a barn, missing a woman he thought was dead and he would never see. 

Alistair broke into tears again. 

"Dad?"

Alistair looked up to see his eldest. His own miracle baby. Born after Tabris' horrendous ordeal in Amaranthine. His son stood in the doorway, frowning in the same way his mother did.

Alistair wiped his face. "Come here."

The boy curled himself into his father's frame as Alistair squeezed him tight. "Are you okay, Dad?"

Alistair thought about saying he was just homesick, but he didn't want to lie. He would tell him in the morning, once he had figured out the words. His son could decide if he wanted to meet his grandmother. He was 8 now, he was old enough to get a say and to know what he wanted.

But for that moment, Alistair just held him and smiled. "I'm fine, Duncan."

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'm not going to apologize for King Alistair marrying non-Couslands because seriously, screw the Landsmeet. Also, I'm 100% for miracle babies. Let me live.


End file.
